An investigation has begun at Manchester airport after an 11-year-old boy boarded a flight to Rome without a passport, boarding card or ticket, by apparently tagging on to another family.

“Why were you in China?” asked the passport control officer, a woman with the appearance and disposition of a prison matron.

“None of your business,” I said.

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I’m not going to be interrogated as a pre-condition of re-entering my own country,” I said.

This did not go over well.